I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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