I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just threw up on my dentist
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
