nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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