I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
