but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
