I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
