So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
