Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everyone says I win the strip club
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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