i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
