you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
