yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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