So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
