piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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