I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
