Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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