how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
