my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
