I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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