so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
