R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
