i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize