my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
