I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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