Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
