Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
