but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
