I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
