if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
