Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
