sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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