i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
