erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
