You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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