Sponge bath it is.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
