I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
