The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you never un-have a 4some
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
