mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
