you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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