I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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