Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
