You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
