guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
