was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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