you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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