thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
NoShamevember. You game?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
