hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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