I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
