so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
