Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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