i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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