the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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