guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm having to shit out rocks
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
