I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
