her vagine was all disorganized.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
