I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
