glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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