His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
