if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
