Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
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Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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