I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
