I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dick very happy bro
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
