And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
