i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
