Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
