i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
