i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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