I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
