Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
