Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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