i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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